my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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