Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
