I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
