U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
