You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
