I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
