before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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