just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
