i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
