but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
