The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
