You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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