She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I could fuck to npr.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
