I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
