Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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