I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
