Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
