She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i think i just lost a toe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
