I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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