is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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