In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
