Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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