please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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