Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
