The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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