I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
