I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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