does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
