Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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