dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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