one two three fourrrrnication!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
