Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
