Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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