So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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