Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
