cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
