eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
