The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You pole danced in your parka.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
