i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
