I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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