Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
