Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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