He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
