did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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