"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
