it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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