And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
