Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
