Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
