why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We need to get me chipped asap
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
